Talk baby talk

I feel as though the last 4 years have been a long streaming thought of useless information and emotions. Stream of consciousness, that's what its called.

I have had soooo many diverse thoughts I had often though perhaps I needed some SERIOUS help. And now, no I feel so totally normal and at ease with the information that may fly from my mouth. Maybe it flies out because whomever I am speaking with needs to hear something so random and unfoundedly ridiculous, lol, really does need to hear it. Sigh

I used to be so ashamed of my newly found adult outspoken-ness. I was a shy girl, didn't say much, screamed about rock stars, but never really had an opinion or the balls to share. It was all about my boobies looking ok and not like a freak. Or the fact that I had a hole in my shoe. OOOR the wonderful fact that I would fall flat on my ass while talking to a friend who happens to be standing next to my crush of the month. ALright, crush of the semester. Call it teenage obsession. So mouth was typically sealed and when something came out it was a Duran Duran yelp

I started this whole "expression" of oneself really late in my youth. Try about 30. For some reason all of the turds I picked up seemed to sort of disappear and my brain found its self confidence and started to gain knowledge on a conscious level. Lets not give 3 years of therapy any credit. Its not like I had an amazing facilitator or two in group therapy once a week either. I would not change that for anything.

It took a lot of oblivious practice I guess. I have no idea how suddenly I could blurt out facts about my position on issues with regards to different subjects of that particular time and know what the hell I was talking about!!! Slowly but surely (shirely, heheeh), I transformed into a soap boxer. YIPES!

My family was in shock at the fact that I was becoming a woman with a voice. Not just any voice, however, a big voice that made sense and meant what she said and said what she meant. Protected onself and standing up for what she believed in. Oh JOY!!

Suddenly the voice was muted and a set back or 5,000,000 years and rendered me fearful to speak, then suddenly I bounced back! I found my voice, my passions, my love, fear, compassion, etc., and I love it. I love my voice, my strong will and the refusal to back down, but do it respectfully for the opposition most of the time, if I have to.

I'm not claiming to be an awesomely intelligent debator, I just love the practice of one's voice. The fact that I can say what I need to and still maintain my sense of self control and facts makes me feel so alive.

It is alive. Life. I am convinced my voice has its own mind as well. I find myself responding to issues that are so important to me and find myself typing, talking, rummaging through my thoughts with fervor. It feels almost like a flash of fever. OH this passion to speak is wonderful. I hear myself sometimes and I am in shock.

There is no reason on God's green earth anyone should have to feel ashamed to speak and practice our freedom of being a human being. We are not here to shush, we are here to SPEAK AND SHARE our thoughts and all that mushy stuff :)

I guess you could say I'm having a good day. It also feels incredible when friends you have not spoken to since high school send notes over commenting in such a positive way pertaining to my intellect. Lol, intellect. Something I would never think of being or brag about. I'm a serious high school drop out. These notes are the biggest self-esteem boosting statements. Its not like being told you're pretty, nice boobs, nice whatever the hell they think of. It meant and means soooo much when my voice is heard and appreciated for the way I convey my message. NEVER would I think this would be something to spark the life back into me. EVER!

That said, I'm starting to feel voracious for adventure and life. Its amazing how much a small sentence just put the icing on top of the delicious strawberry and whipped cream cake with pistachio ice cream on the side. The compilation of it all. And I actually feel as though I have made it to the almost an adult stage lol!!

I'm a total late bloomer. Married late, schooled late, careered too late, however, retired too early. I shouldn't say that, but I'm blessed for now. For this day, this very one day I have all I can have. I am blessed with the life I have been given with my husband. Oh my, am I.

SO I will move forward with my learning of inner peace and containment of anger and rage that festers within me and use my energies for many things I believe in very strongly. In person, on FB, in email, phone, who the hell cares, its what I believe. I am so thankful for this comfort with myself speaking. I mean seriously, I was born speaking. Literally asked if I was a midget when I was about 3.

My biggest and most important thing I wanted to say within these text walls is to empower our children to speak. I was intially going to talk about how my family would say stop talking and all of that, however, when i realized what I was saying after I typed it, it was positive and I love it!

Let's listen to our little talking people walking around singing songs from NikJr. and quoting Tinkerbell or Wow! Wow! Wubzy! For this is such a gift of creativity that cannot be taught in school or at a job. It IS their soul they share, their hearts, thoughts and power. It has been proven that children who speak a lot, we're talkin talk radio babies, tend to have more creative tendencies and succeed moreso. I just love their little voices :) And I love the light that shines from within.

Soon they will be our next great speakers and our voice. For now, we are their voice and want them to have the free spirited passion to speak without being embarrassed. I am looking so forward to my 3 year old nephew to begin his path into school. He's a talker and I adore every moment of it. Even if its him screaming about going into time out :\