i thought i was scared last night but this morning, i feel like i'm going to be handed a death sentence. i know, i know, its just a biopsy. but c'mon. its something that doesnt belong in my body. regardless.

i am so struggling with putting all of my trust in god and giving it all to him. i just wish that voice in my head would go away. you know the one that says, "you're going to find out you have cancer, hahahaa!" When in fact, I know this is purely procedural. 100% safety and prevention. i know that. i do. i wonder if i pray like the cowardly lion only different words, "i do believe i'm fine, i do believe i'm fine." lol.

i am trying to put my sense of humor into this also. for some reason, its hiding way deep inside of me. i have never, ever, had anything inside of my body. nothing. i've had "female" issues, but who's not used to that? at some point in our lives we have something going on, even if its just a pap smear. its just something we do as prevention. but to have needles or the thought of needles in my breast scares THE LIVING SHIT out of me.

so thank god for psychiatrists and medications that make you feel like you pretty much don't care that i will have at least two dr's holding on to my boob. just one detail that i find funny is that my boob will become a punching bag, hanging through a hole in a table and hang there for about 45 mins. lol. i will also be raised on a table like a good ol 66 classic mustang.

off i go. appt is at 915 in panorama city so i gotta hit the road, potty issues and all. oy vey

and i have nervous gas. ha!

i have to remember god got me through my most suicidal, lonely and desperate times of my life.