There was once this little girl. She was a cute kid. Long blackest black hair, very petite, very shy and cute little knock kneed legs, enough to make up for the kid next door. This little girl is me. Myself, little and young. I had goals of course. Goals that did change throughout my daydreaming life. Daydreaming, what a wonderful thing. Wondering what it was like to kiss Keith Partridge, kick Danny Partridge's but, and to be whatever his sister's name is. Bliss, I'm sure.

What does this have to do with what I'm about to say? Everything. Everything that has lead up to this point in my life. My life of dysfunction, function and total confusion. My life that has become more spiritual and hopefully growing slowly towards enlightenment. Meaning, I pray God I don't lose my temper with my Mom.

Seems as though a lot of angst is deeply rooted starting with my Mom. She's a great person. Everybody loves her, I love her, my nephew loves her and naturally my siblings do as well. The thing is, I love her but feel limitations coming on. I no longer feel as though I can speak honestly and generously with her. I seem to be shut down once the conversation starts to grow into some that is really worth while. Something that actually means more than what's going on with Farmville on Facebook. Seriously.

Upon seeing a news story about, let's say, healthcare reform as an example. It is very obvious that I am a pro reform kind of gal. Sooo, I like to discuss it with my family. My Mom in particular due to her being a retired person and depending on the healthcare system, as most seniors do these days. It just doesn't happen. For the life of me, it doesnt happen. Nothing of any intellectual value is spoken of. UNLESS, its about getting bonus experience on FBs FV.

A day in the life of visiting my Mom is good, happy and then the crash course comes. I sit in my happy little chair with my cozy pillow and blanket. We're just hanging out talking and giggling like little girls. Suddenly she comes out of nowhere asking about my next little trip I'm taking next week. What I thought was a friendly question became a not so nice reaction. "Well, maybe you'll stay home for at least a month before going away again. hmm?" Dontcha know, that made me feel like shit. I thanked her for that tad of negativity and the day is blown, UNTIL she brings up what I am reading for enlightenment. I feel like I'm 16 complaining on here. Again with the cranky Momma, "Why don't you pick up a Christian book for once!" OH BOY. I began to explain. "Well! I don't care to discuss it right now!" I'm shocked. She brought this shit up.

Naturally, I leave with a frown and quickly. I'm feeling all of 12 and ultimately critisized and judged by my own Mother. How and why did that happen? Really? What the hell? Is this my life with her for the rest of mine or her days? Its not like I haven't got through hell and back too. While holding her hand mind you. Is this what I have to look forward to every time I take a jaunt to one of my fav places? Perhaps. If anyone has any quick fix advice, please do share. I feel as though I am about to lose my mind. Maybe I already have.

So from here on out, I must practice my mindful breathing around her. I need to use my skills on how to maintain and not project my anger and release it in a healthy way. I MUST come to accept that she is becoming an old fart. And that I am very much my Mother's daughter.